Cafés Tobias Ivarsson skriver om äventyr och awesomeness.


Chuck Norris dog för 20 år sedan, Döden har bara inte samlat mod nog att tala om det för honom än

Chuck Norris

Idag fyller han 75 år. Chuck Norris. Denne episke herre som gjort fler roundhous-kickar än någon annan. Vi lyfter på våra cowboyhattar, rättar till våra jeans-skjortor och säger stort grattis.

Har du dålig koll på vem Chuck är? Herr Norris är en gammal actionskådis som har fått kultstatus och blivit ett internetkändis. I flera år har vi fått höra olika Chuck Norris skämt, där Chuck Norris beskrivs som den mäktigaste och starkaste mannen på jorden. Chuck Norris satiriska skämt handlar om överdrifter (många håller inte med) om hårdhet, attityd, manlighet och maskulinitet.

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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.


Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.

Chuck Norris can speak French… In Russian.

Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline.

Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.

A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.

Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.

Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not ”attempt” murder.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s beef.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: ”What is courage?” He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

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